Advice for Staging your own Olympic Games

If I Ruled theWorld

Advice for Staging your own Olympic Games

Never play volleyball with a bag of flour

Never use Mum’s hairbrush as a baton in the relay race

The flower bed is not a sandpit for the long jump

And remember – the Olympic Games does not include kiss-chase

Never pole-vault in the vicinity of Grandpa’s greenhouse

Never throw the discus using Mum’s best plates

The broom handle is not a pole – nor it is a javelin

Never use flowerpots (especially if they have flowers in) for weights

Your dog is a dog, not a horse

Although, at a push, could be used for equestrian events

Do not use the duvet covers in the airing cupboard

To make those big marquee-type tents

Never use The Complete Set of Delia Smith for the winners’ podium

Never bribe the judges with crisps, chocolate, football cards or cash.

And finally when Mum comes home to find her house and garden in a mess

Say, Excuse me, but I’m in the hundred metres – must dash!

Roger Stevens 

For more hilarious poems, visit http://world.clubs-kids.scholastic.co.uk/products/894